Dear Elf on the Shelf:
I have forgotten your name, but I detest you. Cutie #1, incredulous as ever, does not believe you are “real”. However, since this Golden Momma has a bit of a naughty streak in her, there is room for just a touch of doubt.
Last year, Cutie #1 locked you in a box overnight so you could not report to Santa. Clever kid.
This year, Cutie #1 keeps you in bed with him, so you can’t report to Santa. Again. He’s clever.
Dear Elf, I do not need you or your shenanigans. I have enough. It was hilarious, though, when yesterday, you decided to head into the fridge and grab a beer. Wish I had a photo of that! And right now, when I got home from work, you were trying to get into the ice cream. At least this time, I grabbed a camera.
Just stop. You complicate our lives, and I am not interested in finding you in additional silly locations this holiday season. Santa knows Cutie #1 is naughty. We’re good.
Yours truly,
Golden Momma
Chronic Confusion 